Thursday, April 28, 2011

Bananas do not have bones

For whatever reason it seems like no one but me has heard this stupid song. When I was little, my sister and I had this stupid cassette with various kids songs on it, and one was this song. It's a stupid song like, Mairzy Dotes, just nonsense, you know. Either way, this is the ensuing conversation and a picture of a skanky banana, enjoy.

Anna-Nelsey: I like bananas, because they have no bones.
Jack T. Skank: They have bones. They're just very thin and banana-like.
Anna-Nelsey: Lies!


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Boots. The cowboy kind.

Sometimes I start conversations by saying random words. Sometimes those words involve boots.

Anna-Nelsey: Cowboooooooooy booooooooots!
Jack T. Skank: What did I tell you about cowboy boots, Ann?
Anna-Nelsey: I dunno, that they're awesome?
Jack T. Skank: They're not to be trusted.

Fuck that Skank, my boots is fly...


Monday, April 18, 2011

A Skank is always supportive

So I'm a journalist and being a journalist sometimes you win awards. I won an award.
The Associated Press(or the AP) gives out awards for different things in journalism and I happened to receive an award. I don't honestly remember now which award I won since my station was honored with several AP awards, but I received one group award and one singular award.

Jack T. Skank: Ann, what's an AP award? And congratulations!
Anna-Nelsey: It's an award from the Associated Press, and thanks!
Jack T. Skank: Cooool, did you get a trophy?
Anna-Nelsey: No, I think I get a plaque though.
Jack T. Skank: Yay, do you get to keep the plaque?
Anna-Nelsey: Well no, I think the station keeps it...
Jack T. Skank: Still, yay!

Your enthusiasm for my accolades never ceases to amaze me :].


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Hidden dances

Jack T. Skank and I live in different states. I guess I should have said that before, but he lives in the Midwest while I currently live on the East Coast. Sometimes I call him when I'm going places. Today I called him when I was going to an art museum, and then I talked to him online when I got home and was... well, bored.

Anna-Nelsey: Jack! I'm bored! Entertain me!
Jack T. Skank: Did you like it?
Anna-Nelsey: Did I like what? The museum...?
Jack T. Skank: The dance I did for you. You didn't even see it, did you Ann?
Anna-Nelsey: Wha-no!
Jack T. Skank: Wow, I can't say I'm surprised. Ask me for entertainment and just totally ignore my good will!
Anna-Nelsey: You're rude, Skank. Just rude.
Jack T. Skank: Actually, I'm tired. Time to get high.
Anna-Nelsey: Damn you!

Stupid computer...


Friday, April 15, 2011

Beards are gross

Jack T. Skank: Ann I have a beard now! It's great!
Anna-Nelsey: Eww... do you keep stuff in it?
Jack T. Skank: Stuff is in it, I don't really keep it there. It just kind of comes and goes as it pleases.
Anna-Nelsey: Even more eww..
Jack T. Skank: Ann, I can't keep it all to myself, that would be selfish. It's my civic duty to share it with the world.
Anna-Nelsey: Is it a beyond-face beard? Like-does it go out into the world being a beard and whatnot?
Jack T. Skank: It has its own social security number and birth certificate, so yeah.
Anna-Nelsey: Groooooooss
Jack T. Skank: Jealous?
Anna-Nelsey: Oh yeah, totally. You know how I've longed for a beard of my own.
Jack T. Skank: I know you have. It's alright, I'll let you look at it. You can't get too close to it though... it's easts small people.
Anna-Nelsey:... you're a jerk.
Jack T. Skank: Wa-why?
Anna-Nelsey: I'm not small... I'm just big boned..
Jack T. Skank: That's.... ok.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Squirrels! Squirrels for everyone!

Sometimes I'll be sitting on my computer, Facebook surfing and generally zoning out and then I get these awkward messages that I don't know how respond to like, "Do you like my new hair cut?", "Have you seen my shoes?" or "Why did you keep pinching me the last time you saw me?" I don't like your hair cut, I have seen your shoes but am not willing to tell you where they are(don't lose your size 5.5's at my house) and I kept pinching you because you're very tall and I think it's funny to see all those tiny bruises. It makes you look like you've been beat up by gnomes. 

Then other times I get this.

Jack T. Skank: On a scale from 1 to 15 how cool am I?
Anna-Nelsey: Uhh, squirrel.
Jack T. Skank: Not bad.

Sometimes life is kinda weird.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

All I want in life right now is some cheesy ramen

Jack T. Skank: I'm making ramen.
Anna-Nelsey: I'M making ramen.
Jack T. Skank: For real?... You distracted me and I burned my ramen!!
Anna-Nelsey: Haha! You fool! Feel bad.
Jack T. Skank: I've already started a new one.
Anna-Nelsey: Wha? Damn it...
Jack T. Skank: When life gives you burnt ramen, start some more cause it's only 20 cents.
Anna Nelsey:What kind of ramen? I wish I had ramen.
Jack T. Skank: Wait-you weren't really cooking ramen?
Anna-Nelsey: No. I was lying.
Jack T. Skank: Damn it Ann!
Anna-Nelsey: I'm great!

I am! It's true! But I still wish I had ramen...


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Jack T. Skank: The eternal cookie tease

Anna-Nelsey: Jack, I want cookies.
Jack T. Skank: Me too, actually. You should work on that for both of us.
Anna-Nelsey: No. Make me cookies.
Jack T. Skank: Ok, but I'm not bringing them to you.
Anna-Nelsey: Whaa?!
Jack T. Skank: They should be done in 20 minutes.
Anna-Nelsey: ugh...
Jack T. Skank: Better hurry!
Anna-Nelsey: You're so fat...

Dear cookies,
Wish you were here... for realsies...


Sunday, April 3, 2011

Free... babies?

Jack T. Skank: Free babies?
Anna-Nelsey: :o! Freee babies?
Jack T. Skank: FREE BABIES?!
Anna-Nelsey: FREE BABIES!!

    Thursday, March 31, 2011

    Will the real Jesus please stand up?

    Jack T. Skank really seems to enjoy talking to homeless people. I'm not exactly sure why, but on more than one occasion I've called him and he's been mid-remark to some homeless person.

    Jack T. Skank: I listened to this lady ramble about all sorts of shit, she was semi-intelligible but very scattered, but interesting.
    Anna-Nelsey: Probs a schizophrenic.
    Jack T. Skank: I talked to her for a long time and at the end she was like, "don't think we don't recognize you, we appreciated what you do for us."

    Jack T. Skank, secretly Jesus?

      Wednesday, March 30, 2011

      How many? HOW MANY?!

      Jack T. Skank: annannannannanaannannannannann!
      Anna-Nelsey: yeeees?
      Jack T. Skank: how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
      Anna-Nelsey: 83
      Jack T. Skank: I hope you're right, there's a lot riding on this

      Jack T. Skank is a gambler extraordinaire.


        Tuesday, March 29, 2011

        Jack T. Skank loves the snuggies.

        Jack T. Skank: Ann, guess what?
        Anna-Nelsey: What?
        Jack T. Skank: You didn't even try to guess!
        Anna-Nelsey: uhhh you've become a clown? A mime? Some sort of jester.
        Jack T. Skank: True, but even better. I got a snuggie.
        Anna-Nelsey: ...
        Jack T. Skank: Leopard print snuggie. Kicks so much ass, but just enough to still be classy.

        This is why we can't be friends.

        Monday, March 28, 2011

        Moses: Less relevant than Willow.

        Sooo T-Skank and I were talking about this friend of mine who's having a baby. Well-she isn't quite a "friend" but someone who has become a friend because I didn't want to refer to her as "this girl I know from my sociology class" over and over.

        Either way, she's pregnant. Pregnant and dumb. So we were talking about her what she should do with her child because honestly-I don't think she should be raising that thing. I mean-that can't be good for it. Honestly. I'm not sure she can tie her shoes, let alone raise a child.

        Jack T. Skank: She should send it down the river in a bundle
        of sticks, like in Willow.
        Anna-Nelsey: ... or like Moses.
        Jack T. Skank: Willow's more relevant.

        Moses: Less relevant than the movie Willow. Touche.


          Sunday, March 27, 2011

          Jack T. Skank

          The skankiest of the skanks. A skank AMONG skanks.
          The man, the legend, the myth.

          Anna-Nelsey: Jack, I made a blog featuring you.
          Jack T. Skank (Autoreply): I'm not here right now
          Anna-Nelsey: Yeah, I figured because of the "away" thing. Either way, thought you should know. Talk to you later, skankface.

          Til' next we speak, Sir Skanks-a-lot. Til' then.